I hate not having anyone to talk to about things sometimes. Well… Not so much not having anyone at the moment… More so, I’m not allowed, for various reasons. So, I am here typing up my little rant just so I can feel better, and get a few things off my chest.
I love you so much, but, I can’t tell anyone we know.
But, sometimes I feel… Maybe it’s a good thing they don’t know, because if I do decide to leave… It’ll make things to much easier.
Over the past couple of months I have been slowly loosing my mind. I don’t know what to think, say, or do anymore. I feel as though I should leave. Just fucking leave and never come back. Just go to Toronto and start over. It’d probably be the best idea for me right now, but for some reason I’m such a fucking, retard I stay. I stay here. I stay…. With you…. When I know I shouldn’t… When my heart tells me to go, run away and never look back… I still stay. Why? Why do I put myself through the torture? I can’t remember the last fucking time you wanted to spend anytime with me. I can’t remember the last fucking time you wanted to do anything with me. And now, we can’t even let people know we are together. We have to hide our relationship from the world. How do you think that makes me feel?
It makes me feel like you’re ashamed of me! I can’t even hold your hand in public.
I sit by myself a lot, and I admit, I cry when I do. It’s the only chance I have to be able to let my emotions out. It’s the only chance I have to release everything I have pent up inside.
I have so much I want to say to you. So much. But I can’t. Because you don’t even have the time of day to sit with the person whom you tell that you love and talk with them. You’re to busy doing everything with everyone else.
When will you have time for me? Probably never. You’re awake for at least 14 hours of each day, and in those hours you’re to busy playing video games. Ever thought maybe I want to play too? OH WAIT. My bad, I forgot, that would require SPENDING TIME WITH ME.
The most time we spend together is when we’re sleeping.
All I ask is you hear my cries of neglect, and change them into happiness. Is that to much to ask?